My Journey Through the Lens of Polyvagal Theory
While studying Somatic Experiencing years ago, I remember reading a small blurb about Polyvagal Theory. It intrigued me. I wanted to learn more because it seemed to be the thing that filled in the “rest of the story” for me.
As I did some research on the subject, Stephen Porges’ name and references to his work flooded my page. I ordered one of his books and was excited to learn more. As I began reading his book, my head was spinning!
Awaken and Befriend your Nervous System
As I was struggling to understand the details of the theory more clearly, a colleague told me about Deb Dana’s forthcoming book about using PVT in therapy. She explained to me that one of Deb’s many gifts is her ability to take Dr. Porges’ work and distill it into more accessible language, making it possible to understand how to apply it clinically. As I searched for information about her book, I learned that Deb was going to present in Chicago.
The rest as they say, “is history!” I then went on to attend Deb’s training and was immediately hooked and yearned to learn and understand more. I reached out to Deb and told her I’d love the opportunity to work with her. Learning from Deb and attending other trainings on PVT and ultimately teaching with Deb and for Deb, changed the way I have facilitated my direct clinical work and the way I operate in the world with this perspective.
Unlike other therapeutic orientations, understanding Polyvagal Theory helped me to realize its application in all arenas of life. Being a clinician for over three decades, I first approached Polyvagal Theory through the lens of what it offers clinically. I immediately learned that one of the greatest aspects of understanding the theory is that it is based in our physiology and biology; it is about the way our autonomic nervous systems were shaped over time in response to our own experiences, making each nervous system unique.
What comes into my nervous system as a cue of danger (based on my experiences in life) may not enter your nervous system in the same way, making it difficult for others to understand why I might react a certain way to stimulus that others may not have a reaction to at all. Think about that, and the implications it has on understanding the dynamics of communication.
When working with couples and families, I emphasize this reality and am awestruck by the compassion it elicits from others. Having a way to conceptualize why one person may respond to something happening in the moment in what seems to be an intense way, when the other doesn’t experience it that way at all, allows the other to feel compassion and empathy.
POLYVAGAL THEORY CHANGES THE WAY WE OPERATE IN THE WORLD
THIS ELICITS COMPASSION
IT CHANGES THE WAY WE UNDERSTAND THE DYNAMICS OF COMMUNICATION
AND INCREASES EMPATHY
Knowing that the person overreacting may in fact, be reacting to something that happened in their past allows for a regulated response. We’ve all had the experience of getting really frustrated and aggravated with someone whose response doesn’t seem to match our own…”it’s not a big deal,” “your response isn’t warranted in this situation,” “what’s wrong with you?” If we can stay regulated ourselves in these situations and pause long enough to be curious about what seems to be an overreaction, we can not only help the other to come back into regulation, but we can avoid going into a survival state ourselves and becoming dysregulated. Once we understand what functions the nervous system serves, we can appreciate the work it is designed to do. We can also grasp the notion of regulation vs. dysregulation.
Survivors of trauma don’t have much experience with feeling safe in relationships and therefore, may find it more challenging to self-regulate. Survivors of trauma often live in a world where their priority is protection, not connection. These early adaptive survival responses become hard wired in one’s nervous system if not resolved.
By offering survivors of trauma an understanding of how their nervous systems were shaped and that with dedication and a commitment to the work, their nervous systems can be reshaped, we are offering one of the most hopeful messages many survivors have heard in a therapeutic setting - and reduces the shame survivors of trauma have felt.
Trauma Complicates Things
Trauma complicates things…the patterns of protection that we become so deeply attached to get in the way of patterns of connection, therefore compromising the ways we engage with others. The good news is that through the lens of PVT, we can help others to understand that the drive to survive ultimately competes with the deep yearning inherent in all of us to connect with others. Understanding PVT has served me well in my personal and professional life. It invites the possibility of regulation, opening the door to connection and so much more.